Titus Maccius Plautus — Amphitryo (1519)

Al. What business is this, my husband, that you depart
From home so suddenly? Ju. By Castor, not that I am weary of you or of the house.
But when the commander-in-chief is not present at the army,
It is necessary for things to be done more quickly than they are done.
Me. He is an overly clever trickster, since he is my father.
Observe how gently he will stroke the woman.
Al. By Castor, I am finding out how much you value your wife.
Ju. Is it enough if there is no woman whom I love as much?
Me. By Castor, if she knew that you are giving effort to theft,
I would make it so that you would prefer to be Amphitryon rather than Jupiter.
Al. I would prefer to experience that than to have it told to me,
You are leaving before the place where you lay has grown warm.
You came, master, at midnight; now you are leaving—is this pleasing?
Me. I will approach and address her, and will play the parasite to my father.
By Castor, I do not believe anyone loves his wife
So passionately as this man is passionately dying for you.
Ju. You executioner, do I not know you? Get out of my sight.
Why is this care of yours, you rascal? Or why are you muttering here?
For whom I will now use this staff. Al. Ah, do not. Ju. Just do not mutter.
Me. The first parasitizing almost turned out wickedly.
Ju. But what you say, my wife, it is not fitting that you be angry with me.
I departed secretly from the legion; I snatched this time for you,
So that you might know from me first how I had managed the public matter.
I told you all those things; if I did not love you very much,
I would not do it. Me. Does he not do as I said? He strokes the timid woman.
Ju. Now, so that the legion does not perceive it, I must return there secretly.